Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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