I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
