She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
