Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
