Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize