If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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