I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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