i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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