so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
