Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
