Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
