he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
