why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
