We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
