I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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