Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize