its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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