Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
