My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize