Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I skipped work to stalk him.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
