Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
