there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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