i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
