i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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