I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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