3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
