I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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