that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
