I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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