once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
