i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
