All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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