More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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