oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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