I am in a vortex of obligation.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
