You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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