At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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