My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
