dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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