You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
