Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
