I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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