Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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