She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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