fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
