Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
