apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This gyro tastes like lonliness
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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