would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
