So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize