I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
