They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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