i just had sex bonerless
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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