We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
