I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
