The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
