I want to make a zoo with you.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
