found the other keg... it's in the tree
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
