everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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