I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
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