Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize