he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
