So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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