I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
if only i could text you this smell
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
