Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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