We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
