I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
