I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
