clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize