we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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