I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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