My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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