She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
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