why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
