I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
