We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
