Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize