Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
