I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
