awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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